I’m a 46F, and my husband (51M) and I have been together for 22 years. He’s been a wonderful husband for most of our marriage, but recently, I’ve noticed some troubling changes. He’s become secretive while texting, and when I ask who he’s talking to, he yells at me, calling me suspicious and crazy.
One night, I woke up and saw his phone. I decided to check it, and what I found shattered me. He’d been messaging a 25F, asking for explicit videos and pictures, and even told her he loved her. I also discovered he had accounts on social media platforms I didn’t know about, where he was sending DMs to multiple women.
I felt numb. I got out of bed and started folding his clothes from the closet. When he came out and saw me, he looked confused. I showed him his phone, and he panicked. As I read some of the messages aloud, he began yelling, claiming I’m insecure, that it was “just flirting,” and that I don’t understand him.
For context, he hasn’t worked in 15 years—I’ve been the sole provider for everything. I told him I was done. He knows cheating is a dealbreaker for me because my dad cheated on my mom and left her for another woman. He argued it wasn’t “real cheating,” just messaging.
I told him he needed to leave. He said he had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. My response was blunt: that’s not my problem. He’s not my child, and after what he’s done, he’s nothing to me. He called me a “fat crazy b***h” for “throwing away” our relationship. I told him he could stay on the front porch until he figured something out.
Am I overreacting? AITA? He admitted he’s been messaging multiple women, justifying it by saying, “I’m a man, and you probably do the same.” (I don’t.)
Additional Info:
We rent our home in Illinois, so I’m not sure about the laws here regarding eviction or property rights. Thank you to everyone who has made me feel less crazy about my feelings. Your support means so much.
