I (33F) live with my partner and two kids, and my younger brother (30M) recently had a milestone birthday. My parents decided to throw him a surprise party, which sounds great—until the details came out.
A week before the party, my mom casually mentioned they had planned the event at my house because it’s spacious and centrally located. This was the first I’d heard of it. They never asked for my permission. On top of that, my partner is recovering from surgery, and our home wasn’t in any shape for hosting guests.
I told my mom it just wasn’t feasible and suggested a few alternative venues. She was upset, saying it was too late to change plans and insisting everything was already arranged. Despite feeling pressured, I stood firm and said they’d need to find another location or scale things down.
The fallout was immediate. My brother, who found out accidentally, called me selfish for not accommodating the family on his special day. My parents accused me of ruining a chance for everyone to celebrate together. They scrambled to move the party to a cousin’s house, but the atmosphere was tense, and some relatives made passive-aggressive comments about my absence.
Now I’m torn. I feel bad for missing the party and causing tension, but I’m also frustrated that my boundaries were blatantly ignored. AITA for refusing to host the party and skipping it altogether?
