I (45M) married my wife, Clara (43F), five years ago. She has a daughter, Lily (17F), from her previous marriage. Building a relationship with Lily has been challenging—she’s polite but distant and has made it clear I’m “just her mom’s husband.” Despite this, I’ve consistently tried to support her by driving her to soccer games, helping with homework, and being present whenever possible.
Clara hasn’t worked for the past two years after leaving her job to pursue her dream of becoming an artist. I supported her decision, even though it meant taking on extra work to cover our expenses. It’s been a financial strain, but I wanted Clara to follow her dreams, and I believed we’d get through it together.
Last year, Lily got her driver’s license. Even though money was tight, I worked overtime to save up and buy her a used 2010 Honda Civic. It wasn’t a luxury car, but I thought it would give her some independence and, hopefully, improve our relationship. When I handed her the keys, she seemed genuinely happy and even gave me a hug—a rare moment of connection between us.
However, a month ago, I overheard Lily talking to a friend. She said, “I hate him. He’s pathetic, thinking that car will make me like him. I just pretend to be nice so Mom doesn’t get mad.” Her words were devastating. I’ve made so many sacrifices for this family, and hearing her mock me like that broke my heart.
I told Clara what I’d overheard, expecting her to back me up, but she brushed it off, saying, “Lily’s a teenager. She doesn’t mean it. Just let it go.” But I couldn’t just let it go. A week later, I asked Lily directly if she really felt that way. She didn’t deny it. Instead, she shrugged and said, “I didn’t ask for the car, so I don’t owe you anything.” When I explained how much her words had hurt me, she rolled her eyes and said, “If you’re that upset, take the car back. I don’t care.”
So, I did. The next day, I used the spare key, drove the car to a dealership, and sold it. The money went toward bills that had been piling up since Clara stopped working. When Lily found out, she was furious. She called me a “petty jerk” and accused me of punishing her for “being honest.” Clara was equally upset, saying I overreacted and had permanently damaged my relationship with Lily.
Clara argued that I should’ve consulted her first and claimed my actions were unfair since Lily is “just a kid.” She also said Lily is struggling emotionally due to our financial situation, which she accuses me of “constantly bringing up.”
Now the house is tense. Clara insists I should apologize and consider buying Lily another car, but I feel like that would only enable her disrespectful behavior. I’ve worked hard to support this family and feel unappreciated.
AITA for taking back the car I gave Lily after she disrespected me?
