I (34F) am married to my husband (37M), who was previously married to his high school sweetheart. They were together for years, navigating long-distance through college, and married at 23. Tragically, she passed away at 26 from an aneurysm. Her death devastated him, and he even doubted whether he could ever marry again. Eventually, though, we met four years later, got married, and now share two children together.
What Happened:
Last night, we attended a potluck with friends. The evening was going well until a conversation about relationships and past loves came up. As we shared stories, I mentioned how lucky I felt to have met my husband after a string of bad relationships.
A little later, my husband brought up his late wife, which isn’t unusual since everyone knows about her. However, he then said something that completely shocked me:
“If she walked through that front door right now, I’d pick up where we left off.”
The moment was like a punch to the gut. I felt a mix of heartbreak and confusion, and the room became noticeably tense. Trying to avoid a scene, I forced a laugh, but it was obvious to everyone that his comment hurt me deeply.
How I Reacted:
On the drive home, I stayed silent. Once we were home, I told him that his words hurt me and that we needed to talk in the morning once I had calmed down. I didn’t want to lash out in anger. I even slept on the couch because he kept trying to talk, and I needed space.
Now it’s the next morning, and I barely slept. He’s still asleep, and I’m not sure what to say or how to navigate this situation.
Why I’m Struggling:
I understand that grief is complex and that losing someone so young leaves a lasting impact. I’ve never experienced the loss of a partner, so I can’t fully grasp how that feels. However, I can’t shake the thought: If he still feels this way, why are we married? I’ve never asked him to forget her, but I would never say something so hurtful in front of him.
AITA for being upset about his comment?
